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iest.We Alex●andrians have mere pride than that  癃 and more respe

e kind of love-letter one could only address● to a saint; and again I was st▓ruck, despite the clumsiness and incorrectn●ess of the writing, by the fluency wit●h which she could dissociate be▓tween ideas of different categories.I be▓gan to see her in an altered light; as some▓body who might well

destroy herself ●in an exce

Aliquam Risus Justo
ct for religion.▓It would not be fair to God, my dear sir, an●d wh

ss of wrongheaded courage and● forfeit the happiness which she, in common wi●th all the rest of us, desired and lived only to● achieve.These thoughts had the effect ●of qualifying my love for her, and I fou●nd myself filled sometimes by▓ disgust for her.But what made ▓me afraid was that after quite a short time I f▓ound to my horror that I could ▓not live without her.I tried.I t●ook short journeys away from her.But witho●ut her I found life full of consuming ●boredom which was quite insupporta▓ble.I had fallen in love.The very thoug●ht filled me with an inexplicable despair an▓d disgust.It was as if I unconsciously realiz●ed that in her I had met my evil geni●us.To come to Alexandria heart-whole and ▓to discover an amor fati — it ▓was a stroke of ill-luck which neither my healt▓h

nor my nerves felt capable of

Sample Text
oever else I fail (I see yo▓u smile) I am determined not to fail Hi

s▓upporting.Looking in the mirror I rem▓inded myself that I had turned ▓forty and already there was a whit●e hair or two at my temples!▓ I thought once of trying to end ●this attachment, but in every smile and ki●ss of Justine I felt my resolutions found●er.Yet with her one felt all a●round the companionship of shadows which i▓nvaded life and filled it with ●a new resonance.Feeling so rich in ambiguitie●s could not be resolved by a sudden act of● the will.I had at times the imp▓ression of a woman whose every kiss was ●a blow struck on the side of death.When I di●scovered, for example (what I k●new) that she had been repeatedl▓y unfaithful to me, and at times wh●en I had felt myself to be closest● to her, I felt nothing very sharp in outline▓; rather a sinking numbness such as one

●might feel on leaving a frie



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?hospital, to enter a lift and fall six fl●oors in silence, standing besi▓de a uniformed automaton whose breathing on●e could hear.The silence of▓ my roo



m deafened me.And then, thinking about ▓it, gathering my whole mind about the fact I re▓alized tha

t what she had done bore no r▓elation to myself: it was an attempt to● free herself for me: to give me what she ▓knew belonged to me.I cannot say t▓hat this sounded any better to▓ my ears than a

sophistry.Neverthe▓less my heart seemed to know the truth of this● and dictated a tactful silence to ▓me to which she respo


nded with a new warmt●h, a new ardour, of gratitude added to▓ love.This again disgusted me somewhat. 


癞Ah! but if you had seen her then as I ▓did in her humbler, gentler moments, rememb▓ering that she was only a child●, you would not have reproache●d me for cowardice.In the early morning,

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